Sad day...

Grandaddy passed away this morning....

...Mama called me Friday evening to tell me that he wasn't looking good at all and that If I wanted to see him alive again I should get there as quickly as possible. I was planning to go out Monday (tomorrow) since I had to work all weekend, but I didn't get there in time. I'm very grateful that I was able to see him 3 times in the last 3 weeks. I found out this morning at 10:02 via a text message from Mama.. "Grandaddy is gone." I was told I could leave work, but what would be the point in that? Grandmommy didn't want visitors or phone calls - she wanted to be left alone with him for a while. I pray that she will be OK - I don't know what she'll do now that he's gone. Her life for the last 2 years has been one thing - taking care of him! And I must say - she did a darn good job! I haven't been able to figure out what to think all day.... I'm sad - all I think about is the happy memories and how great he was, and then I'm sad that we weren't closer than we were, and then I'm sad that I don't know if he went to be with the Lord. Then I'm relieved for my grandmother that the hard time is over, then I'm upset that I didn't witness to him more while he was here. I'm frustrated... My heart hurts... My first grandparent is gone and I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. This sucks - period. (I'm sorry if you don't like the word - its the only one that fits.)

Grandaddy wanted his body to be donated to Albany Medical Center for research (awesome idea.... Kris and I are thinking we'll do the same) then he'll be cremated. There are no plans for a service yet... Waiting to hear what the plan is. Also waiting to hear from Daddy - he's going to talk to Grandmommy after work tomorrow and see how she is and if she's ready for calls yet. I want to talk to her...

I'm fine - I'm just emotional. I don't like being emotional.

I do have lots of happy things to remember :) I'll always remember.... ....that he had salt and pepper (his 5 o'clock shadow) on his chin when I was little.... that he was like my savior when I was paralyzed in fear at the very sight of those huge cows at the age of five and was afraid to even walk down the center isle of the barn lest they somehow kick me... that I never knew what he did at his job later in life because the only thing he would tell me was that got paid to "flirt with the girls..." that I got to go on a trip with him and Grandmommy to Indiana to a family reunion when I was 11... that I got to help him build his house when I was 12... that I got to spend the night at their house once when I was 13 and he grilled salmon steaks with fresh cut beans - it was the first time I'd had salmon...that he taught me how to drive a tractor for the first time when I was 14... There are more sweet memories, but the one thing I will remember most...? I will remember that he married my grandmother "because she had sexy legs!"