Friday, August 22, 2008

Blah...

I'm feeling emotional...

The last few months have been all about change - sometimes change is good, but its almost always initially hard. And I'm not one to really enjoy change. Don't get me wrong - I love my life and I'm so happy. Adjustment has just been so much harder than I anticipated. Its funny really... You think everything through... You calculate everything over and over in your head... You weigh everything out... You discuss everything endlessly... And you make a decision. Then afterwards you realize that you really had no idea what you should actually be thinking... calculating... weighing... discussing...! The decision was made and you are happy ...just shocked. :) Becoming parents has brought us both such a mixture of emotions and feelings. We've been happy and sad, angry and elated, excited and discouraged, frustrated and over-joyed. Emotions are one thing you can never plan for! Don't get me wrong - we are so happy to have little Abi. I'm just taking a minute to put down some of my thoughts from the last couple months.

Now its time to adjust again... I have to go back to work. I'm only going back part time for which I am so grateful! I don't have to worry about Abi because she'll be with Kris. I've thought about it, and I think that even if I didn't have to go back to work, I'd still want to work just a little. I think that I'd miss it. Plus it gives me a little chance to "get out" and see other humans. I think the thing I'm most upset about it the time it will take away from my Honey. That has been by far the hardest adjustment for me since having Abi - us not being able to spend time alone together. Now it will get even a little bit harder. I feel like an ungrateful wretch for even saying this (seeing as I'm only working 2 shifts per week)... I'm happy to be able to work it out that Abi doesn't have to be in day-care, but that means me working every other weekend and one evening a week - all shifts that I've never liked to work.

Soon I will stop being emotional and give myself a good strong kick in the pants... but maybe I will have a good cry first.
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2 comments:

Bethers said...

It's only natural to be emotional during so much change. praying for you :)

Saturday, August 23, 2008 10:46:00 PM
Anonymous said...

so...every time i make a choice that leads to these adjustments you speak of...right about when everything starts happening and i am thinking 'comfort zone? what's a comfort zone?'...i wonder what the world i have done and WHY i did it. i hate my life for a time, whether it's days, or hours, or weeks...and wish with all my heart that things would go back to the way they were.

but then there is the next time, and i always make the choice for change again...and i wonder why again...but the reason is that--it's always, always, so worth it afterwards. and i have to go through all the emotions, all the ups and downs, but at the end of the day i KNOW that eventually, i will look back, and see growth, and feel pride, and JOY, with all that i and the ones i love have come through and accomplished.

that's my piece. i love you =]

Wednesday, August 27, 2008 11:56:00 AM

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